UK Cases: 29, 474 – Death Toll: 2, 352
Day 17 was the worst day so far. In the morning, I was in agony with wrist pain and had to take some paracetamol, which I only do as a last resort. I was feeling tired and under the weather as well, so I decided to take the tablets before it got worse, and they helped.
My first action of the day was to place an online order for Monopoly and Uno. At the moment, we only have one board game at home – 8 out of 10 Cats – and two quizzes, so I thought I’d get some new ones before boredom sets in. I ordered them from Argos to collect in store later. I also ordered some compost to start going in the garden next week when the weather promises to be kinder for outdoor activities. And while I was in the shopping mood I also ordered Romina’s birthday present. Her birthday is only on the 15th, but it’s bad enough that we’ll be in without the chance to celebrate with friends and family, so I decided to get it sooner than later.
So, around 4 pm, I received a message that my order was ready to collect and Phil and I went to collect it. Because our local Argos is inside our local Sainsbury’s, we decided to do some food shopping while we were out, saving him from going out again. It was the first time I was out in shops for two and a half weeks and I would like to say it felt good. But it didn’t. We timed it well as there wasn’t a queue and we went straight in; there was a long queue outside when we finished. While going around the supermarket aisles, I felt so inadequate, like I didn’t know what I was doing and I shouldn’t be there. Almost like a criminal. I felt guilty just for browsing around, and if I picked up an item and put it back, I expected the police to be on me and knock me down on the floor to handcuff me. This is a kind of anxiety I’ve not experienced for years, not since before I started therapy for depression and anxiety. It was so strange. Plus, it was the fact that the shelves were almost empty, some areas were completely stripped; not one tin of beans on site, no long life milk, hardly any cleaning stuff, the freezers were almost empty. A lot of the things we usually buy weren’t available. There weren’t many customers inside and we were all mindful of social distancing, but there would be someone who would just violate your safe space without a second thought here and there.
This experience was my first face to face encounter with reality, with what we are living at the moment. I was still shaken when I got home. I felt like I’d committed a crime and got away with it, but wasn’t yet out of the woods. I am so privileged to have a nice home to stay in protected, in an area where we can go for nice walks, a lovely family to spend my time with, a dog to make me feel like a queen and a lot of activities to keep me sane and entertained; it’s easy to forget what is really going on in the world. I am so grateful!
This is all for today and I’d love to hear back from someone who reads this, let me know if you have experienced anything like this.
Stay safe at home!